Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
