Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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