I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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