You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
