New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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