she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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