I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize