I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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