Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
