There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
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She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize