My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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