So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
