dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
