I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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