You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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