My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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