i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
