Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
