i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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