you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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