Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
