I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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