If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
