i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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