You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
sex in a hospital.. check
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
