ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
