Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
