Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
