My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
