if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
