I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
