I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
