I have demons in me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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