I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
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just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
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It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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