People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
