nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you win again, gameday.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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