i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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