Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
