i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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