Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
