Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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