Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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