we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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