God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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