my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
