I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
