white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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