If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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