i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
