Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
