i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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