don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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