direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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