My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My balls are so social today.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
