i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
