A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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