god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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