Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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