it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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