Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
