you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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