it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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