its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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