I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
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I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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